Toilet humour

Toilets are different the world over and are often a hot topic with expats. In Germany, it was the "poo shelf" that got us talking. I mean do Germans really inspect their poo? Where do they learn what to look for? How do they know the difference between a good poo and a bad poo? All I can say is that they are a pain to keep clean and it's sometimes very hard to flush the offending items away.
When I moved to Egypt, I dont really know what I expected of the toilets, maybe a hole in the ground? what I didnt expect was for my whole bathroom experience (like the way I put that?) to be revolutionized! You see the Egyptians have a little pipe that sprays out water and cleans you when you are done, eliminating the need for toilet paper and cleaning you very well indeed. I love it!! in fact if it wasnt for my room mates I would give up on toilet paper all together. Its now at the point where I get quite panicked if I dont find the knob at the side of the toilet to control the water. The Hyatt doesnt have it in their toilets and I failed to locate it in the Ace club in Maadi. The problem is once you have started with it, it's very, very hard to feel hygenic when not using one. I have to say I am also very proud of myself for adapting to the "Egyptian way". I just need to stop hovering and actually put my arse on the seat to complete the full transformation.
The water pressure can sometimes cause problems, in some places the pressure is so high that the water sprays out of the toilet, soaking the bathroom floor. Tip if the floor is wet when you enter the bathroom then turn the knob with caution. A problem we have at home is the temprature of the water. For some reason the water gets very hot very fast and sends you jumping off the toilet at a speed equivilant to a pilot being ejected from an ejecter seat. One great complait I have about my bathroom experiences here in Cairo isnt related to the toilet itself but the people banging on the door. I dont know if men have the same problem but every time I go to a public bathroom here the story is always the same. I get myself comfortable for a few seconds and then the banging starts, sometimes accompanied by a "hallo, hallo". What is that? Do they not see the toilet is locked therefore engaged? Do they want me to let them in so they can join me? What do they want exactly? And really its every single time. I learned to cherish those few seconds of peace at the beginning. I also have become very stubborn with them and make a point of taking longer once the knocking starts, its not hard to do as I normally have a book stashed in my bag. When I open the door they always see my glare and say sorry. So if you have to say sorry then you know what your doing is not right. So why do it? Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?. I asked a girl at work about this a while back. She was doing the same and actually asked "who is inside?" When I got out I asked her why? She told me she was checking the toilet was busy.... Er the door being locked isn't a clue? I actually said this to her and then she said she wanted to check I was ok and not dead or something. Yeah that's my Cairo toilet humour