Americans, Americans, Americans.........

I have dealt with a lot of Americans in my life, now before I go into my rant I should say the Americans I have met in Egypt have been for the most part worldly and intelligent people, although there was one girl who told me her entire sexual history like 10 minutes after meeting her (that's weird no?). So yeah this rant is about the Americans I met in Europe, most of them at the airport. So where do I begin? Lets start with the Irish pub in Mainz, this place was a favorite with the US army guys back when I lived there and at first it was like walking into a film (well I had only ever seen them on TV before). I will never forget the first time a soldier slid up to me at the bar and asked in a southern drawl "Excuse me, do you speak American?" I almost sputtered on my drink, I looked him up and down and gave him the most haughty answer I could muster which was "No I bloody well do not!!". American?? Is that even a language?
Then there were the guys who wanted to meet at the "big ass church", Huh sorry what? Oh you mean the CATHEDRAL!! Once a girl came into the pub, she was a teacher in the States and was visiting her brother who was stationed in Germany. She looked up at the map of the UK and Ireland that was hanging on the wall and ran over to it excitedly, "Ohhhh my god, you mean there is sea separating Ireland and England? Where can I get a copy of this to show my friends???" I think every European in there had their mouths open in shock, I mean really? and shes a teacher, what hope are there for the rest of them??
The airport was a wonderful place to experience Americans at their best. I used to check passports for United Airlines and was once standing at my desk at the United counters, now its pretty obvious that they were united counters as they had United written on them...... So an American family approches, they stop and stare at the counters for 2 minutes then come to me and say "excuse me, is this United Airlines?" THEY WERE JUST STARING AT THE TV SCREENS ON TOP OF THE COUNTERS!! and well me being who I am, I just couldn't resist the urge to be sarcastic and replied "No, No this is British Airways, we just write United to confuse people" well can you imagine what they did next??? They apologized for taking my time and turned away to continue their search for United!! Of course I ran after them and brought them back but dear me!
There was once a guy who had a very high position with a leading junk food company. Our conversation went like this:
Me - "Hello sir, where are you coming from today?
Him- "London"
Me- "So how long have you been in Europe sir?"
Him- "I wasn't in Europe I was in London!"
Me (totally ignoring this) "so how long have you been in Europe?"
Him (pissed off) "SINCE WHEN HAS LONDON BEEN IN EUROPE?" 
ME (in my sweetest voice ever) "Since the continents were formed sir?"
Isn't that just shocking? I mean here is a guy with a decent education and a wonderful position in his company and still he is capable of complete and utter ignorance.
The UK flights always proved to be funny, Non europeans have to fill out a landing card upon entering the UK and we had to give these things out. For most nationals it was a simple procedure, we just asked them if they are in transit in the UK, if they said yes then it meant no card if they said no it meant a card. So of course we quickly figured this was a bit too complicated for most Americans who fly and we simplified the question a little, well a lot, what we now said was "Will you be entering the UK and staying there or will you be getting onto another plane and flying to another country?" To which the answer would be "What do you mean?" god give me strength!! What do YOU mean, what do I mean?? I cant make it any more simple can I???
So once we had figured out that they are staying in the UK we would hand them the landing card back with their passport... the next gem came "Do I have to fill this out???" Nooooooooooooooooo you have to wipe you ass with it as there is no toilet paper on the plane! Wtf of course you have to fill it out. Why the hell would I give you a form that you don't have to fill out!!! Boooooooom that's it for now, my rant about yanks is over. Peace.